Rubberneckers in a carcrash world.

I'm standing above the Mississippi river. I'm a few hours away from a hangover. To my right is the "JAX" beer sign, it is reminding me of the "Emser Tile" sign that used to shine through my window when I lived off of Santa Monica in Hollywood. My thoughts are interrupted when one of the members of the rock and roll band that I sing and play guitar in tells me that he just talked to my dad.
"What?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says. "He said someone called his phone from your phone and asked him if he wanted to buy some DJ equipment. He was just wondering if you were alive."
SHIT. This means someone has broken into the car. And decided to rub it in by punching "DAD" on the phone that they stole.
The rock and roll band starts heading towards the car. We are in pretty good spirits all considering the circumstances. We are not that surprised. Windows get busted and things get jacked in New Orleans.
We make it back to the parking lot that we spent 60 dollars to park the car and trailer in. There is broken glass, but the trailer has not been opened.
The thieves got away with:
1 Phone
1 mixing board
3 microphones
They left:
1 GPS
1 Sattelite Radio
! $2500 Motif keyboard(really?)

We are surveying the damage and waiting on the police. We don't realize that one of the members of the rock and roll band has slipped away. We only realize this as we see him walking back towards us, lunatic style, informing us not to worry because he took care of everything by smashing up some police cars.
This is somehow supposed to be reassuring.
We tell him to take off, but he does not. He heads back to the scene of the crime to retrieve his phone. He is immediately arrested. The rest of us have whiplash from the incident.
The sun is up.
The cops will not help us because one of us smashed up some police cars which pretty much voids some hoodlums stealing a few items from our ride.
I walk to a bar at the corner of Conti and Dauphine and get a bloody mary. It is absolute magic.
I walk to the Cafe Du Monde for some coffee and a beignet. It is also magic.
I return to the room and sleep until 2 in the afternoon. The hotel gave the rock and roll band a late check out. Thoughtful.

The window is being fixed and I'm bored. One of the members of the rock and roll band is trying to get "Keith Richards/Moon" out of jail. Then, I realize that I am bored and only a block away from Bourbon Street which is the equivalent of being hungry at a Ryans Steakhouse with a twenty dollar bill. I stuff some jasmine in my shirt pocket and start drinking.

I am in the backseat of the car heading to Hattiesburg. A call comes in saying that Keith Richards/Moon has been released. We did not think this would happen for another 72 hours. We drive to Hattiesburg. One of the members of the rock and roll band gets a ride with a friend back to New Orleans to retrieve Keith Richards/Moon. The rest of us start playing to an empty house. The proprietor of the empty house says to knock it off since the house is empty and takes us to another bar and buys us beers.

I am driving somewhere between Atlanta and Augusta. The rest of the rock and roll band is sleeping. The sun is coming up. I am blaring a radio preacher. I am hoping he has the wrong idea. I could drive forever.

I am sitting on Folly beach with Keith Richards/Moon and one of the other members of the rock and roll band. I have not slept since Jackson. We are polishing off the cooler of leftover beer that amounted on the road. There is wind but no chill.
Somehow, it is better because of all the bullshit, even though it shouldn't be.

The Junk Food Theory...

A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with my brother. He asked me what I was up to and I said I was going to see a movie. He asked me what movie and I told him that the only movie out that I really wanted to see was "Its Complicated." Let me make a note here, I really did not want to see "Its Complicated," I just wanted to go to the movies. I had cabin fever, felt like getting out of the house. You see, I enjoy the movie experience as much as I enjoy the movie, often more.
Anyway...
He asked me if I had seen "Avatar."
No.
Go see that then.
I said, everything that I've heard about that movie says that the effects are great, the story sucks. More style than substance.
Yeah, he said.
Well, that's exactly the kind of movie that I don't enjoy.
He said: You used to like movies like that.
This is true. And sometimes, I still do. If they made a "Blade 6" I would go see it.
But, there are a lot of factors, and I digress.
The thing is, tastes change. I'm not saying that Avatar is shit, I have no idea, it just doesn't look like something I would like.
I know myself pretty well, better than James Cameron, anyway.
My tastes seem to be a little more sophisticated, but not really. I still really like B Movies-but for the camp value more than anything else.
And that's the thing.
When I was a kid, I liked Doritos and Oreos. I guess I still do...but Doritos and Oreos aren't on my grocery list...
And most of pop culture/mainstream media and entertainment is kind of like junkfood.
It comes in a bright, colorful, fancy package, it has a whole lot of additives, it is overpriced...
And some of it IS ENTERTAINING. Sometimes you're in the mood for it.
Just like Doritos do taste good...
BUT
You can't eat Doritos all the time, Doritos are bad for your health.
And you shouldn't be on a diet of Top 40 either, because too much of it is bad for your soul.
GRANTED...
At one time, I genuinely liked the band "Third Eye Blind."
GENUINELY.
But tastes change.
And now there are things about other music that appreciate that most pop bands leave out...I also appreciate the things that lets call them "roots" bands leave out that most pop bands find the need to add.
APPRECIATION.
If I was a kid, and I had to choose between a homegrown, freshly sliced tomato and a bag of something crisp and salty...it was crisp and salty in a land slide.
Now, I appreciate what goes into that tomato, and respect the effort, nature, all of that organic shit.
You get over the kid stuff...and hearing John Prine and Billy Joe Shaver make it impossible for me to go back to the kids stuff.
Someone else can probably express this better than I can.

Sometimes I surprise myself...

Came across this band(band?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xycnv87N_BU&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=DE53A978215C0424
AND I REALLY LIKE IT.
To be honest, it doesn't surprise ME so much, because I like electronic, tinkering music, and I like "Earth Wind and Fire" so...
It hurts me a little, though.
Because this band seems like the perfect band(band?) for RIGHT NOW.
Computer Savy, quirky, they make cool cover versions of songs, upload them, and get a million views.
PERFECT FOR RIGHT NOW.
Me, I become overwhelmed by technology/music.
And I long for the good old days.
The thing is, I know I can't beat them(not this band(band?), but "THEM" as an idea.
And I'm not going to join THEM-because nobody wants to see that. If I did that, the world would probably end before 2012.
That's comforting.
Damn. The more I watch that video, the more I think that it is everything that is RIGHT with music.
Unpretentious. Fun. good stuff.
I am officially a fan.
Pomplamoose may be the only band in the world that doesn't suck at all.
Well, them and Iron Maiden.
bye.

Okay, damnit...

So the deal is there is no deal.
I don't hate bands.
Its just this:
Bands, in general, when they decide they will invade your living rooms, bed rooms, cars, computers, Friday evenings...rather than just playing songs to noone...
Well........
They have to do things that "suck."
Music videos suck.
Shameless plugs suck.
Whether its U2 pushing ipods or a local band putting "flip" videos on youtube and announcing drink specials...bands have to do things that "suck."
This thing(blawg) is just a prank with words.
Just personified boredom.
And boozing.
But the thing is, some bands/artists get it.
John Mayer.
Yeah, he kind of sucks.
But......
He made a choice:
Be the best guitar player in his local scene OR:
Reveal his sexual encounters with celebrities and the fact that his genitals are apparently racist to the readers of Playboy magazine. a toss up?
BUT...If you and Johnny had a candid sit down, and you said, "Bro, you kind of suck," I think he would get it...
On the other hand...........
I think Nickelback probably scratches their heads daily...asking, "Why does everybody hate us?"
And they probably have conspiracy theories, etc...
But, if they would let down their guard, they would get it...yeah? maybe?
Probably not.
I was on Folly earlier.
Surf Bar.
I had some drinks.
Ended up here.
That should explain a lot.
Hearts. Hugs. Teddy bears.

Just to Clarify(part 2)...

So, the last part of the City Paper article, in which I stated, "Who are these turkeys?"
Yeah, that part...
Well, I started thinking that a lot of people will sit down at a bar, restaurant, toilet, etc, skim the City Paper, and think to themselves, "who is THIS turkey?"
Hey, I get it.
Its not lost on me.
Here's the thing:
I am NOT an elitist.
I do not think that I am better than YOU or anybody else.
However, I do think that your band sucks.
But, I also think that my band sucks.
Its about checks and balances.
(I think)
too big for britches.
Oversized noggins.
Halos.
Waiting in vain.
Walking in to parties, with apricot scarves-one eye on the mirror.
Christian Bale.
The skinny is this: songs make people happy, sad, dance, angry, bored,....................
But songs are songs. They don't build bridges and cure diseases and keep homeless folks warm.
Except for "Give Peace a Chance" because I think that song actually ended the conflict in Vietnam. Don't believe me? There were billboards to prove it.
http://www.ago.net/assets/images/assets/past_exhibitions/2002/ono_war.jpg
Busted.
So sometimes when there is an artist and a Jim Morrison moment, there needs to be the realization that we are not the Kings, but the Jesters.
Really, neither.
When you get to this point, IF you get to this point, (and I'm talking about reading, not a place in a career) refer to the headline under the title of this blog.
And don't say that you weren't warned.
I heart all things.
(except indie rock.)
Cheers.

Just to Clarify...

Okay. Anybody that knows me knows I am a cynical bastard.
However, lately, I am trying to be more positive.
Funny, I've blogged about this before.
And if anyone is directed here from the City Paper article, I just want to say that I am not serious about any of the stuff I say on this blog.
I am not a hater.
I'm trying not to be one, anyway.
But, I am a crusty, old dude, that's seen his fair share of bullshit.
And sometimes, that bullshit gets under your skin until you just have to vent.
This blog is ironic, because the things that make "bandssuck" could be used to say "blogssuck:"
Self indulgence, delusion, bad taste.
Where am I going with this?
Nowhere.
Ahhhh...always nice to end up at square one.
Hugs.
Oh, go see "Crazy Heart."